If you’ve been around my blog then you know I’m all about body confidence no matter what your size is.
I’m also all about embracing your body and learning to appreciate what you have right now, not what you hope to obtain in the future.
This includes believing when someone else says
“Damn woman you are fine!”
When you are a plus size woman hearing that your first thought is always going to be
He’s joking with me. Someone must have dared him to say that.
Which is sad but true.
When it seems as though he isn’t being put up to it the next thought is,
He must be one of those guys with a fat fetish or he’s a chubby chaser.
Why do we think like this?
What is the difference between a fetish and a personal preference?
When you really sit down and analyze this there is no difference.
When a man says “Damn woman you are fine!” to a tall, tanned, skinny blond woman do we think he must have a barbie fetish or that he’s a skinny chaser?
No, we don’t.
So why do we automatically think this way when the woman is fat?
It’s because we are all taught that being fat equals something disgusting.
If someone is attracted to someone else that happens to be fat then their preference is abnormal therefore that person has a fat fetish.
Please. That’s just lazy thinking. Lazy and destructive.
What one person might view as a fetish another person might view as a normal desire.
Yes, there are sexual preferences that will seem unusual, bizarre, mind boggling, scary and even disgusting to you but that’s just your opinion. To someone else it’s just normal.
We are all different.
We all have desires and attractions that do not fit society’s mold.
It might be something small or it might be something extreme but if we labeled every “abnormal” desire a fetish then we would technically all be fetishists which negates the term entirely.
Let’s look “fetish” up in the dictionary.
1. an object regarded with awe as being the embodiment or habitation of a potent spirit or as having magical potency.
2. any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence, respect, or devotion:to make a fetish of high grades.3. Psychology. any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.
So basically, according to this definition on Dictionary.com every man that has a habitual erotic response to boobs has a fetish for boobs.
I don’t know about you but, I have a thing for thick necks and large rough hands on men.
All I have to do is look at them and I get aroused. Does this mean I have a neck and hand fetish or that my personal preference is men with thick necks and large hands?
Do you get where I’m going with this?
We need to stop thinking that fat people are undesirable just because society says so.
We are society.
If we want society to stop treating fatness as disgusting then we need to stop thinking and acting that way.
We also need to stop thinking that if someone is attracted to someone else because they are fat then that person is odd and has a fat fetish.
That person is not odd.
You can not control what attracts you physically or mentally but you can control how you handle that attraction.
Now, let’s move on to whether or not men who prefer truly plus size women actually exist.
Yes. Yes they do. 100%. Without a doubt.
You’re probably thinking, Where are they? If they truly exist why can’t I find them?
Here’s just a few reason why:
- You haven’t been looking. Meaning they are in your daily life but you haven’t noticed them.
- You’ve been “looking” but have a negative body image of yourself so you come off as angry or unhappy which is never appealing no matter what your body size is.
- You’ve been looking but the guys who have showed interest in you weren’t your type.
- You had guys who were your type approach you but you thought it was a joke and either dismissed it or were rude to them.
- You have guys who are attracted to you but are just friends with you because they are either afraid you will reject them or afraid that they will be made fun of by other people.
- You have guys who are attracted to you but have bought into the whole fat = disgusting mindset that they are freaked out by their attraction and either ignore you or are rude to you.
Once you learn that you don’t need to be a perfect size to be happy, or healthy or attractive a huge burden will be lifted from you.
You will find that you smile more, are happier and your body language will exude a feeling of confidence which is always sexy.
After you realize you are beautiful just the way you are the next step is to learn to accept compliments from others. Once you’ve accomplished that you will start to see people (both men and women) gravitate towards you.
Be open to it.
Don’t judge or second guess someone’s intentions.
Go with the flow and if you like the other person give them a shot.
However, listen to your instincts. If you feel uncomfortable around them, there’s usually a reason why.
Ok, so now that we know that these men do exist where can you find them?
Anywhere and Everywhere
Clear your mind, squash your self doubts, and open your eyes.
The next time you see someone you think you might be attracted to, smile!
A simple smile could be just the thing to give him the courage to come over and speak to you.
If clubs and group dating events aren’t your thing , where do you go to meet these men?
Well, what sort of things do you like to do?
- Do you like to read? Then hang out at all your local bookstores, coffee shops and libraries.
- Do you like shopping? Then hang out all your favorite malls and shops.
- Do you like watching movies? Then hang out at the movie theater or movie stores.
- Do you like art? Then hang out at art museums and local art galleries.
- Do you like to eat/cook? Take a cooking class or hang out at cooking supply stores.
Are you catching onto the theme here?
Think about what excites you and get out of the house and immerse yourself in that.
Chances are that the other people there like the same thing you do and if they are single you’re good to go!
If you still doubt that men who prefer plus size women exists and you are looking to pick the brain of a man who is openly attracted to plus size women or just belong to a community of open admirers of people of size try:
- Dimensions FA Forums – Where Big is Beautiful
- Club Ample Forums – Amplebeauties.com
- Big People UK
- Curvy Shrine
The following are a few online dating websites to try out:
- BB People Meet
- BBW Admire
- BBW Cupid
- BBW Date Club
- BBW Meet
- BBW Personal Plus
- BBW Relationships
- BBW Romance
- Curvy Date.co.uk
- Find My BBW
- Large and Lovely
- Large Couple
- Large Friends
- Large Passions
- Larger date.co.uk
- Loving BBW
- SSBBW Match
- SSBBW Mingle
If you still can’t believe that such men exist take some time to listen to MrAdamSir and his feeling on big beautiful women and his attraction to them.
Monday @ 9 am “How To Write The Perfect Villain We All Love To Hate“
Wednesday @ 9 am “The Most Popular Book Villains“
- Have you noticed a man who prefers plus size women (in real life, not just online)?
- Have you dated a plus size loving man?
- What are your thoughts on the stigmas that are placed on men who are attracted to plus size women?
11 thoughts on “Do Men Who Prefer Plus Size Women Actually Exist?”
Blimey, that was actually a really eye-opening post! I am always awed by your positivity and views on this issue, it is certainly helping me to think differently 🙂
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🙂 Thank You Mishka 🙂
I know you consider yourself a “body-positive” woman, perhaps a feminist, and I appreciate your POV. However, there is so much that is disturbing about this post I hardly know where to begin.
First, if a person is attracted to a group or individual BECAUSE of one or more aspects of their appearance without regard for the person inside that appearance, that is a fetish. Period. It doesn’t matter if they are attracted by body shapes/sizes, hair, eye color, feet, rubber pants, the smell of vanilla or long nose hairs.
Superficial and unimportant features, like breasts, hips, hands, necks, legs, faces, etc., should never be the basis for anything resembling a relationship. Sure, if someone just wants to have sex, then go for whatever turns you on. Same goes for fantasies or brief hook-ups.
However, if you’re talking about attraction that can lead to more than something temporary or superficial for the two people involved, then that attraction MUST be based on more than physical features or accessories. It is not “body-positive” to be glad that someone “likes you for your size.” That is not “liking” YOU. That is liking the shape of your body for whatever deep or superficial psychological reasons that person has for fixating on someone who looks like you. S/he doesn’t care about YOU; they don’t even know you.
If it pleases or flatters you to be seen as attractive by people (men, I suppose, in your case) who “appreciate” “women of size,” then you’re as much to blame as they are for accepting—no, inviting— superficiality and snap judgments based on appearance into your relationship choices.
For me, who has been many different sizes, ages, shapes and appearances in my 60 years, I can promise you that someone who chooses to date or be with you for the way you look, regardless of how you look, is not someone who cares about YOU (yet, or ever). Don’t be grateful: be choosier.
Best to you,
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Thank you for taking the time to read my post and commenting. I appreciate your POV too. 🙂
I’m sorry you found this post disturbing but I’m happy you are sharing your opinion of it with me. I enjoy learning how other people view certain topics.
I’m not sure how I gave off the impression that attraction to certain body types was the basis for a relationship. I wrote the article with the intent of shedding light on how men who are sexually attracted to plus size women are viewed in a negative light and how they do exists even though it feels like they are just a myth.
I completely agree with you that attraction must be based on more than physical features or accessories. However, in my experience, human beings do not normally get to know someone without seeing, hearing, or smelling them first. Unless they “meet” online with no pictures or videos to go from then you’ll usually find that they are attracted to the way they talk and think. Either way you don’t usually get to know who someone is deep down inside unless you found something about them that attracts you first (again this doesn’t have to be something sexual) making you want to get to know them better.
I believe everyone is attracted to something about the person they like or love. Whether it is how they make us feel, the type of person they are or even how they look or smell. It is human nature to find something that attracts or repels us in someone else. You can still love someone for who they are and be attracted to something physically about their body or their body type. That doesn’t lessen or cheapen the relationship by any means.
Body positivity means something different to everyone. To me it has nothing to do with how well you attract a sexual partner but everything to do with how you personally feel about your body. It’s about finding a way through all the negative thoughts that you drown yourself with on a daily basis and breaking through the surface with the realization that you are great and that you don’t need to physically change to be happy. You just need to be more accepting of who you are and stop trying to be who you aren’t.
I do not think women should be grateful to know that there are men out there who are attracted to their bodies. That is actually the exact opposite of what I think and feel.
No one (man or woman, skinny or fat) should ever feel grateful that someone might be attracted to them. Ever.
What I wish, is to break down the thought process that you have to have the perfect body to be and feel attractive. In my personal experience once you let go of the negative body image thoughts a natural feeling of attractiveness follows that has nothing to do with how someone else responds to me but has everything to do with how I respond to myself. I smile more, I enjoy the way my body feels and moves among other things.
In order to truly love someone you need to take the time to get to know them but that doesn’t happen unless something about them whether its physical, mental or otherwise attracts you. Also, in order for someone to truly love you you have to first love yourself.
Thanks again Sally for discussing your views on this subject with me 🙂
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Hi Sally, I made a video response to your comment. I hope you watch it and can comment back. Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAP21JF3vb4
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I watched your video Coen and I wanted to thank you for being respectful of Sally’s opinion while still wanting her to understand how it made you feel. I think it is great that you felt compelled to create a video to let Sally know what your personal feelings on this topic are. It’s a great way to further the discussion and to get a better understanding of where everyone is coming from.
Sally I hope you don’t feel attacked by this or my comment above. You and your opinion are welcome here.
Everyone’s opinion is welcome on Curving Musings of a Romance Writer just as long as it’s done with respect.
Thank you for listing my website Curvy Shrine! I will make a note to link to yours as well (if I haven’t already). Just got a pingback notification about this post so that’s how I found out about it.
Just one request: Can you please change the link and remove the /navigation/ part? That way people see the home page first and can read the short intro that the site is about.
I also have a YouTube channel with the same name (albeit without capitals and the space (curvyshrine)) where I post almost daily videos about womanly curves. I have linked to it from the info below.
Thank you for promoting body positivity, you are (very much) appreciated!
Coen Naninck (one of those male admirers)
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Thank you for linking to my site as well. I appreciate that.
I already watch and enjoy your YouTube videos 😉
Do you still use @curvyshrine? I sent you a message this morning to let you know I linked to you in my post today.
BTW- I’ve changed the link for you.
I haven’t yet linked it but maybe it’s linked already, I don’t know and need to check.
I didn’t get your message.
Thanks for changing the link and being a subscriber.
Please use Facebook for further replies to this and other messages.
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